D'ailleurs, comment aurait-elle tenté de me comprendre puisqu'elle évitait de lire dans son propre cœur?Simone de Beauvoir, Une mort très douce, p. 103
The interaction with my counterpart, with my group, with my environment becomes deeper, with a lasting effect, the more I draw not only from the general, social, cultural, but also from my own, personal resources or even work on them, develop them further.
But how do I become aware of my own resources? By going deeper and deeper in the dialogue with my counterpart, by leaving the surface, by fully accepting what is unknown or unfamiliar to me, which the counterpart offers me, by taking it into my heart, by finding points of contact, by trying to taste its "flavor". In this way, my counterpart becomes a mirror in which I recognize my own resources, at this distance from her/him, which I hold in abeyance. Once I have recognized them, I can work on them, refine them, expand them, supplement them, get what I lack from the other person, give her/him trust.
In such a holding in abeyance of the distance with my life partner I have recognized that my resources derive from the experiences of my ancestors of living in the mountains. The barren nature and the unpredictability of storms, landslides, rockfalls and avalanches have inscribed a need for security in the thinking and acting that I observe in myself, but also in my ancestors. In addition, a fundamental skepticism towards man-made innovations, since these seem insignificant in the face of the mighty mountains. Also a closedness.
With my partner, on the other hand, whose ancestors went through the Korean War and the reconstruction afterwards, I perceive a natural readiness to let go of everything, to leave it behind, a strong trust in solidarity, an absence of hesitation.
Now I am not interested in playing off one against the other. Rather, I want to grow from this realization. I would like to bring together the qualities of both resources, let them fertilize each other. Not only in the pairing with my partner, but also in myself. To grow as a person. So that I can offer richer, more finely differentiated personal resources in the interaction with my environment.
Symbolism helps to make something clear, as a sign to me and to my environment: "(You) be aware, (I) be aware, I am working on myself, I have opened a new chapter in growing". For this, the symbols names
and masks / costumes
lend themselves to me. Masks /costumes lend themselves to experimentation because I can put them on and take them off at fairly short notice. Masks /costumes are about putting myself in another character's shoes, exploring that character, experiencing what it does to me when I try to be the other character. Anonymity should not be the goal, ever. The task of the mask is solely to make it outwardly visible that I am another character right now. The embodiment of the character through the mask / the costume, that is my goal in choosing it. It can be just a hat, just a makeup, just a piece of clothing. I always have to be aware of the fact that putting it on and taking it off changes something. I get the desire to go in search of masks / costumes and characters.
Names, unlike masks /costumes, have no fixed temporality. Their validity always remains somehow, even if an old name is to be replaced by a new one. After all, society knows to which person the old name belongs. As a person, I have pseudonyms and artist names. If I want to grow personally and character-wise, I choose one and make it public. While doing so, I need to get clear about in which direction I want to grow. I have chosen 韓 山 Han_San
. 韓 Han
stands for my partner, for her ancestors, for Korea. 山 San
stands for the mountains where my ancestors and I grew up. With the underscore, I only fix the order [surname]_[first name], because the elements can also serve as surname and first name.
With the adoption of this artist name I want to find out how I can expand my settledness, serenity, calmness with an unconcern, with trust in the carrying power of the waves of the environment, with a general state of being included. In particular, I want to gain the ability to let go, the trust in being carried by the environment, which I am already exploring with the dance / musical bodywork (shaking and shelving exercises), also in my handling of feelings, which up to now has been very uptight, tense, repressed, inarticulate. I would like to advance this examination in my roles as a life partner, as a tr'ensemble musician and dancer, as a trainer of the tr'ensemble training
and with first attempts at writing. The idea is to reflect the experiences mentally, to bring them into textual form and to publish the output at the end as a book (whose working title is "Drumming Together"). In order to involve my environment in this process, I publish my text fragments in rough versions on https://labonneheure.ch/channel/emanuel&cat=Drumming+Together
immediately after writing.
Barren of all defensive shields, vulnerable as a caterpillar, I plunge into a new self to mature and blossom as 韓 山 Han_San
.CC BY_SA 4.0 韓 山 Han_San
Raw text fragment for "Drumming Together"